Bathroom Battlefield"
So, I guess I'll just dive right into this. The bathroom has to be the most dangerous place in the whole damn residence, am I right? I mean, seriously, if you dodged a meteor shower, escaped an erupting volcano, and wrestled a bear on your way home, your day still isn't safe until you've navigated the treacherous bathroom gauntlet. If you've ever had a bathroom mishap, you know what I'm talking about. If you haven't, let me enlighten you with some stories I've either experienced or witnessed. But fair warning, some of these are going to be messy, funny, and awkward, all at the same time.
First off, there's the classic "slip on the wet floor" scenario. I kid you not, this one time, my buddy Dave was rushing to get ready for work, hopped out of the shower, slipped on the wet tile, and went a**-over-tea-kettle right into the toilet. Broke the damn thing right off the wall. He was okay, aside from a bruised ego and a cold wet a**... and the fact he had to call a plumber before he could even think about going to work.
Then there's the infamous "toilet paper roll empty" situation. I don't know about you, but this has happened to me more times than I can count. It's like some sort of sick game, where you're in the middle of business and then realize - bam! No TP. It's like being stranded on a desert island with no food. What are you supposed to do, use your hand? Hell no! I usually end up doing the penguin waddle of shame to the closet to get a new roll.
But by far, the most embarrassing bathroom mishap I've witnessed happened at a house party a few years back. This girl, let's call her Jess, had a bit too much to drink and ended up locking herself in the bathroom. After about an hour, people started getting concerned, so we managed to jimmy the lock and open the door. Poor Jess was passed out on the floor, pants down, surrounded by vomit. It was a mess. We managed to clean her up and get her safely tucked into bed, but I don't think she'll ever live down the nickname "Bathroom Jess".
Look, I get it. The bathroom should be a sanctuary, a safe haven. But let's be real, it's a minefield. One wrong step and you're either on your a** or stuck without TP. You're not safe until you've navigated the treacherous path from shower to sink to toilet and back again. So be careful out there, friends. And remember to always, ALWAYS, check for toilet paper before you sit down.
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