Of Blind Dates and Squirrel Attacks"

So, I went on a blind date once. This woman I met online seemed really fun, loved nature, and seemed genuinely interesting. She suggested we meet at the local park and even insisted we meet near the squirrel feeding area.

I showed up a bit early, sat down on a nearby bench and waited. I noticed this woman, walking around ridiculously close to the squirrels. One even climbed up her leg, and instead of freaking out, she just giggled and handed it a nut. I thought, "Oh god, she's a squirrel whisperer," but decided to stay put.

I waved her over, and she turned around with the biggest grin on her face. As she walked towards me, she reached into her bag and threw a handful of peanuts at me. Before I could even react, I was swarmed by a riot of squirrels. I mean, I looked like a darned nut tree. I jumped up and started swatting at them, peanuts flying everywhere, squirrels chittering, her laughing her *ss off at my expense. I sprinted out of the park, squirrels in hot pursuit, left my dignity and my date behind.

Never saw her or the squirrels again. But I guess I've got a funny story to tell now. And the moral of it all? Never trust a squirrel whisperer, my friends.

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