The Date That Turned Into a Social Media & Fart Disaster
OMG, I just HAVE to vent about my worst dating disaster ever. So I went out with this guy I met online — let's call him Jake — and everything seemed fine at first. We were chatting for a couple of weeks, swapped some memes, funny stories, all that good stuff. He seemed pretty cool, kinda shy but in a cute way.
Anyway, we decide to meet up for dinner. I get ready, pick out my outfit, the usual nerves. I get to the restaurant, see him waiting outside — he’s even more adorable in person. We do the awkward hi, hug, all that. Things start off okay, chatting, joking around.
Then, halfway through dinner, he pulls out his phone to show me a picture of his pet lizard. Nothing weird about that, right? But as he’s scrolling, I notice he's *also* scrolling through his social media. Now, this is where it gets weird. I look over and see he’s stalking some girl I didn’t even realize he was following. Like, actively scrolling through her photos. Now I get it — curiosity. But when he starts pointing out her “hot selfies” in front of me, well, that’s where things went downhill fast.
I kinda froze and said, “Um… you’re showing me these photos in front of me? That’s kinda *uncomfortable*, don’t you think?” And he just laughs and says, “Haha, relax, I’m just showing you what she looks like. I follow a lot of pretty girls, y’know.” Seriously? Who says that?
Then, things get even messier. He tries to “play it off” by joking about how maybe I should be flattered because he's paying so much attention to other women. Yeah, real smooth. I wanted to crawl under the table. As if that wasn’t cringe enough, HE then *farts* loudly out of nowhere. Like, straight-up, stomach-sound fart — no warning, no apology.
I was so stunned I just got up and said I had to go to the bathroom. I peaced out and went outside, where I totally lost my sh*t laughing because what the hell just happened? How do you even *recover* from that?
Lesson learned: never assume a first date will go smoothly, especially when the guy turns out to be a total creeper, a f*rt factory, and a social media stalker all at once. It’s honestly kind of hilarious in hindsight, but at the time? **F*cking mortifying.**
And apparently, he messaged me later saying he was “just joking” and that I “missed a good one.” Sure, buddy. Missed the *fart* king, I guess.
TL;DR: Went out with a guy who was more interested in showing me other girls’ selfies than actually talking to me, then let out a loud fart and acted like nothing happened. Bye bye, dignity.
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