The Coffee Shop Catastrophe"

Okay, so, to start this off, let me just say that I am the furthest thing from smooth there is. I routinely walk into doors, I've tripped over my own feet more times than I can count, and I once called my math teacher "mom" in front of my entire class. Yeah. It be like that.

Now, with my natural talent for awkwardness laid bare, I was in Starbucks a couple of years ago having a remarkably unremarkable day. I was flying solo, laptop in tow, caffeinating and working on my failing dream of being a writer (I now enthusiastically work at a non-profit and make a difference, but the "writer-wannabe"iste madly). Life was quiet, y'know? Mundane. No foreshadowing of the disaster about to hit me.

So, I was midway through my vanilla latte, tapping away at my keyboard when suddenly, in walks this Adonis, this absolute god of a man, rolls in, shifting the room from monochrome to full technicolor. He was like if Channing Tatum and Ryan Reynolds had a baby then decided to raise him on a diet of protein shakes and romcoms. Too perfect, too flawless, too beautiful for my nerdy eyes.

This man was a piece of visual art in motion and my hopeless romantic, nerd heart went thudding. Heart doing a weird interpretive dance in my chest? Check. Ability to form coherent thoughts? Absolutely f***ing *not.*

Anyway, the Adonis saunters up to order his drink and I probably should've been watching my screen but the universe had other plans. I mean, people-watching isn't rude, right? It's a public place, isn't it? My creepy staredown was in full swing when a barista announces that the washroom near the back of the shop was out of order.

Now, anyone sane would have acknowledged this information and moved on. But not me. No. My brain decided it was an absolutely perfect moment, picked up the cup of coffee I'd earlier bought, set that sucker on the edge of the table, stretched my legs out under the table, and, in an attempt to move, kicked the cup. With Starbucks being the haven for laptop users, you’d think they’d have mastered the art of non-spillable containers. But no, my cup had the stability of a newborn deer and down it went.

There was a brief, shuddering moment of silence before it exploded all over my pants and onto the floor. You ever wanted to disappear? Yeah, in that moment, I would have given an arm and a leg to be anywhere but there. I felt like a tomato, all red and juicy, heat rising in my cheeks as all eyes swiveled to me, a spectacular mess of a human being.

Seated in this burning spotlight of embarrassment, I jumped up to hide in the nearest bathroom. But remember that beautifully timed notification from the barista? Yeah. The ghastly luck of me! Bathroom’s flipping out of order. And so, instead, I stood there, clumsily mopping up my mess with paper napkins, making more of a mess, much to the amusement of my newly discovered coffee shop buddies.

Now here's the cherry: latte Adonis was one of the spectators because life loves a comedy, doesn't it? Instead of dying in a hole as I wanted to, I made small-talk(ish), foolish nervy laughs and explained my clumsiness like a badge of honour. Then bolted to the exit faster than Usain Bolt.

Moral of the story? Absolutely nothing because I continue to trip over air molecules and stuff till date. So those were my graceful, 'dignified' moments. Cheers to all of us clumsies out there, not smooth but still making a mess.

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