The Great Vending Machine Gossip Incident
So, buckle up, because I’ve got a story that’s honestly both hilarious and kind of mortifying, and I swear it’s all true. It involves office gossip, dumb human moments, and a lot of ‘oh no’ feelings. It’s one of those stories that somehow feels both universal and deeply specific at the same time. Anyway, here goes.
So, I work in a pretty typical corporate office. Nothing fancy, nothing terrible—just the usual grind. We have an open-plan layout and this one guy, Steve, who’s kinda known for being that ‘office dad’—super friendly, always saying ‘hey buddy’ to everyone, but secretly kinda nosy as hell.
Now, Steve has this habit of walking around during lunch and chatting with everyone. A few weeks ago, he started acting a little weird—whispering to some people, acting all secretive, but I just figured maybe he was planning some surprise birthday or something. Turns out, no. It was worse.
One day, I overheard a conversation while I was grabbing coffee. Steve was gabbing with another colleague, Lisa, and I pretty much caught the whole thing. The words that spilled out—no filter, no shame—were about another coworker, Jenna. Jenna’s the kind of person who’s always been a little reserved, super professional, but kind of funny in her awkward way. Anyway, apparently, Steve and Lisa were gossiping about Jenna’s *love life*—or rather, the lack of it.
I was just standing there, pretending to focus on my mug, when I hear Steve say, “You know, Jenna’s *still* not dating anyone. I mean, she’s adorable, but she seems pretty oblivious. Did you see her in the break room yesterday? She spent like five minutes trying to open that damn snack drawer—like, she’s never used a vending machine before.”
I’m just *dying* inside. First off, Jenna is basically the sweetest, most genuine person in the office. And second, that snack drawer thing—totally true. Jenna had tried to get a bag of chips, and she was pressing the button, obviously new to that vending machine because she kept hitting the wrong button. And Steve and Lisa were giggling like it was the funniest thing they’d ever seen.
And then Steve goes, “Honestly, I half-expected her to try and pick the lock if it didn’t open soon.” Like, *what*? That’s so mean but also, we’ve all had those moments of total cluelessness with tech, right? I mean, I’ve definitely fumbled with some new software. But hearing someone joke about how Jenna can’t open a vending machine like she’s some kind of clueless tourist? It just felt so unfair.
And here’s the kicker—all this gossiping was happening *literally* in the open. They weren’t even trying to be sneaky about it. And it wasn’t just a one-off. Over the next week, I’d hear little snippets—stuff about Jenna’s ‘awkwardness,’ her ‘single status,’ and even about how she always looks like she’s lost when she’s navigating the hallways.
The thing is, Jenna’s pretty much the most innocent person ever. She’s not out there trying to be ‘cool’ or anything. And she’s definitely not aware of how people are talking about her behind her back. I don’t know. It just made me feel super uncomfortable. Like, why are some people so eager to tear down someone they pretty much don’t know?
And honestly, I started feeling guilty for overhearing this and not saying anything. I kept thinking, should I say something to Jenna? But I didn’t, because I didn’t want to make things weird. Plus, I was kinda afraid if I bring it up, I’d make myself look like a gossip too—or worse, I’d become the next target of office whispers.
Fast forward a few days, and I find out that Jenna does not know. She’s just blissfully unaware that her ‘snack opening skills’ are the subject of lunchtime entertainment. Meanwhile, Steve and Lisa still joke about her, but I noticed less of that lately. Maybe some people felt guilty, or maybe Jenna finally caught on? Who knows.
Honestly, it’s kind of a problem. We all gossip, sure—but it’s so easy to cross a line. The office is like a little bubble of humanity, with all its weird, messy, funny, awkward moments. But hearing about someone’s personal struggles or vulnerabilities from people who should know better always hits differently. I just wish some people kept their comments to themselves—or at least had a little empathy.
TL;DR: overheard my goofy colleague gabbing about how my super sweet coworker can’t open a snack drawer without looking like she’s never seen a vending machine before. Felt weird and kind of guilty for just listening. It’s a reminder that office gossip can be funny but also kinda awful, especially when it’s about someone completely unaware.
And honestly? It makes me wonder how many other things people are talking about that I don’t even know about… but I probably don’t want to.
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