** The Great Derek Chronicles: Living with a Maniacal Roommate

So, I gotta say, my roommate stories are honestly next-level cringe, hilarious, and just plain awkward. Like, it’s a constant rollercoaster living with random people, and I’ve seen some stuff that I still can’t believe actually happened. Buckle up, because I got one story that’s pretty classic and I swear it’s real life fuel.

So, a few months ago, I moved into this apartment with a guy I found on some roommate app. At first, he seemed chill—said he was a grad student, quiet, kept to himself. But man, was I wrong. His name was Derek. First day, Derek’s pretty normal, stuff’s good. Then, two days in, I notice all these weird things happening. Clothes everywhere, like he just threw them around without care, and I mean *everywhere*. His room looked like a tornado hit it, but he swore he was tidy “in his own way,” whatever that meant.

Anyway, fast forward a week, and I notice Derek smells kinda off, like... not bad, but just *off*. I ask him about it, and he’s all “Oh, I haven’t showered in a while, sorry.” Dude? That was week one! Turns out, he had this bizarre hygiene routine where he only showered once a week and thought that was normal. Who does that? But ok, I tried to ignore it, live and let live.

Then came the party saga. So, one Friday night, my other friends come over, and we’re just chilling in the living room, playing some games. Suddenly, I hear this loud banging from Derek’s room. Now, our walls are thin, so I was like, *what the hell is going on?* I peek out and see Derek, shirtless, dancing wildly with a mop in hand, trying to “work out.” I kid you not, he was doing some weird dance, swinging the mop like a mic stand, sweat pouring down his face. I was laughing so hard I almost fell over. My friends? Shocked. But honestly, it was *so* Derek that I couldn’t even get mad.

Then, the next day, I go to grab some snacks from the kitchen, and I find, no joke, a pile of discarded pizza boxes stacked to the ceiling, and in the middle—like, *literally* in the middle—was a half-eaten pizza with mold growing on it. Like, he just left it there for days. I was gagging, and I asked him about it, and he’s like “Oh yeah, I was gonna throw it out but then I forgot.” Yeah, buddy. Forgot about the pile of fungal pizza ruins.

But the best part? So, Derek, apparently, was convinced he was some kind of social butterfly. He started throwing these “remote control parties,” where he’d invite friends over, but they’d never show up. So, he would legit spend hours alone, controlling a drone in the apartment, pretending it was some *big* event. One time, I come home around midnight and hear loud music and weird laser lights coming from his room. I peek in, and Derek is lying on the floor, eyes closed, grooving to nothing, with a remote in his hand, pretending he's at some big rave. I just walked right out, cashed in my “what the hell” for the night.

And here’s a weird fact I read once—apparently, people with messy spaces are often more creative? Yeah, Derek was definitely a creative genius in his own chaos. But man, living with him? It was like constantly being in a sitcom that I didn't audition for.

He once tried to cook ramen in the microwave and set off the fire alarm. The thing kept beeping for hours, but he acted like *it’s fine*. The apartment smelled like burnt plastic for days afterwards. And when I told him, he looked at me like I was crazy, said, “Well, it’s all about experimentation, that’s how you learn these things!”

Honestly, I have so many stories. Like that time he tried to “organize” the fridge and ended up throwing out half my groceries because “they looked old.” Or when he brought home a suitcase full of plants and believed he was going to turn our apartment into a jungle... and never watered any of them.

Roommate life’s been a mess, but also one of the funniest experiences ever. I mean, I learned a lot just from observing him—like, don’t be Derek. But also, I actually miss having stories to tell because of him. Living with unpredictable people is chaos, but at least it keeps life interesting, right?

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