"The Prost-ruth about My Doctor"
Storytime folks, you ain't gonna believe this sh*t. I promise every word is true as I remember it. Swear on my momma's favorite Casserole dish.
So there I was, you know, annual physical kind of thing. My doc, let's call him Dr. X. This guy's been my doc for like, five years, since I moved to this godforsaken town. So yeah, a fair amount of trust established there.
Doing the routine stuff, the blood pressure, poke your belly, listen to your heart rate, blah-blah-blah. All seems normal, and then comes the embarrassing bit. Doc says, "Ok, time for the prostate exam." Me being 50+ and all, this ain't my first rodeo, not exactly my favorite part but hey prevention better than cure, right?
So I’m bending over, pants around my ankles, not expecting a pleasurable experience. He puts on his latex glove – he makes sure I see it (I guess he’s trying to make me feel secure or something?) and then – nothing. A great fat silence descends upon the room thicker than the morning fog.
Handful of awkward seconds tick by and then I hear some mumbled words and paper shuffling. Courage fails me as I muster to look over my shoulder (not a pose you wanna turn your neck in), the doc has left the exam room.
WTF. I’m standing there, pasty-white ass hanging out in the breeze, wondering if I should pull up my pants or what. Before I can decide, door opens, thank god it's him. He walks in holding a handbook, and I sh*t you not, the title read— 'Prostate exams for dummies'.
I stammer, "What the f*ck Dr. X?"
He looks embarrassed and mumbles, "Sorry, I temporarily forgot the procedure. Promise won’t happen again."
I'm mortified. He was supposed to be the one who’d been through this like a million times before. Was there a lobotomy doctor in the vicinity?!
Anyway, needles to say I nope'd the f*ck out of there. Pants still around my ankles, making a rather swift and awkward exit from that place. I found a new doctor. Needless to say, I’m never letting Dr. X touch me again.
Moral of the goddamn story- if your doc needs to consult a guidebook for a simple procedure, run. Don't walk, RUN. But make sure to pull your pants up first, trust me.
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