"Hot-Dogged Hustle"

So, there I was, right? Half past midnight, just got off a 12-hour shift at the factory and all I wanted was a hot dog from the 24-hour joint down the corner. I'm waiting in line, when this dude comes in flailing all over the place, clearly off his face on something. Being the good Samaritan I am, I try to calm him down, right? But guess what? He throws a punch at me.

In the blink of an eye I have him pinned down on the floor, mustard from the hot dog squeeze bottle all over both of us. Next thing I know, there are red and blue lights flashing and a cop is standing above us, trying not to laugh his ass off. He takes one look at the two of us, covered in mustard, and says "You guys need a napkin or a cell?" I swear to God, I nearly lost it right there.

Anyway, I explain the situation, the cop tells me off for 'taking the law into my own hands', which I find ironic considering he's standing there laughing at us instead of helping. End of the day, we both got off with a warning, but the hot dog joint barred us. So, lesson learned. Next time, I’ll stick to pizza.