I Cried Over a Cartoon & Lied About a Dead Grandma

--- So...I'm like 90% sure that last night I hit my lowest point and became the epitome of a goddamn pop culture obsessed freak, and I'm not talking about "oh, I can't miss an episode of The Mandalorian" level, I’m talking about "just spent three hours crying over a fictional character in a fucking cartoon show" level.

I don’t even know why I’m typing this out. Maybe to see it in black and white, confirm that I’ve lost my fucking marbles or find out if there's someone out there whose obsession with pop culture has turned them into a sobbing wreck and make me feel a bit less…shit.

So there’s this anime, right? Hunter x Hunter. Yeah, yeah, laugh all you want, but I swear to God, it’s like crack cocaine for the eyes. Anyways, there's this character, Meruem. He's this super powerful ant king dude who starts out as a villain but then, throughout the series, he goes through this amazing transformation into a sort of...philosopher king? And jeez, the guy just fucking gets to me, you know?

Last night, I re-watched the episode where Meruem dies (spoiler alert, sorry not sorry), and I've seen it before, okay? Like, a dozen times. I know what happens. I know he's a fictional character in a cartoon. But fuck me, I bawled my eyes out like a toddler who just dropped their ice cream.

Here’s the worst part: I live with my girlfriend who doesn’t quite...get my obsession. She walked into the room right as I’m entering the ugly-cry phase, snotty nose and everything.

“What’s wrong, babe?” she asked, all concern.

And what do I do? I can’t tell her that I’m weeping over a cartoon ant’s death like it’s the end of fucking Titanic, can I? So I blurt out the first thing that comes to my mind.

“My grandma died!” Oh, fuck. Why the hell would I say that? My grandma's been dead for years.

My girlfriend’s eyes go wide and she rushes over. She’s hugging me, rubbing my back, and saying all the comforting things you say when someone’s grandmother dies. And I'm just sitting there, tears streaming down my face, feeling like the world's most pathetic, lying piece of shit.

Anyway...there it is. I wish I could say I learned some valuable lesson, like to pull myself together or find healthier ways to invest my emotions. But no, literally all that happened is I lied to my girlfriend about my dear old granny kicking the bucket...again...because I couldn't admit I was crying over a cartoon.

My name is probably going into the Shitty Boyfriend Hall of Fame after this shitshow, huh?