Outrageously Embarrassed: How Not To Impress Your Boss

Okay, so you know when you just can't seem to get your foot out of your mouth? No? Just me? Well, let me assure you – it's a real *cough* show.

First, a bit of context. I work at this tech start-up, typical open office, ping pong table, unlimited cold brew and kombucha type of place, right? I have this boss, let's call him Dupont. Some cool French foreigner who spoke English just fine but with an alluring accent. This is important, bear with me.

One day, Dupont sends me an email requesting some files. I promptly responded, but then I remembered, I had this funny squirrel GIF saved in one of my folders. It was adorable and utterly pointless and I thought, hey, why not? Dupont seemed like he could use a chuckle. So, I attached it and clicked send.

As soon as I clicked, the panic set in. Did I just send my boss a squirrel GIF? The French silicon-valley-wannabe? But that was not the worst part.

Remember the foreign accent thing? I was on this emailing streak with a friend who liked to imitate Dupont's accent, and we ended up associating the word 'nuts' with him because, you know, stereotypes - French, fancy food and snails, yadda yadda.

Que the horror. I had named the bloody squirrel GIF - wait for it - "Dupont's nuts". Yeah. No escaping from that. My blood ran cold. I dashed over to his office in an attempt to stop him from opening it. His room had glass walls. A freaky fishbowl for everyone to see my nervous breakdown.

I saw Dupont open the email; and just like in one of those slow-motion scenes, my heartbeat synchronized with every hand movement he made.

Finally, he clicked on the GIF. His laughter echoed through the office. The uncontrollable, belly shaking kind. He laughed so hard that our stiff developer, and I swear, this man hadn't smiled over the two years I've been there, CRACKED a smile. And then, everyone wanted to know what was going on.

So, here I am, blushing so hard it could qualify as a workout, jaws dropped around me, with Dupont showing every curious person the grinning squirrel titled "Dupont's Nuts".

Did I mention our entire team was present in our open-office setup? The office crush, the eagle-eyed HR, the cold-face Developers, EVERYONE. Slow claps followed, interspersed with fits of laughter. To add salt to the wound, the GIF was circulated widely on our office Slack later-In all its original glory.

You'd think I would've learned my lesson, right? Cut to a month later. Another day, another verbal blunder in a regular team meeting. Talking numbers and graphs, and suddenly, quite out of nowhere, instead of 'sales are plummeting', I say 'sales are *bleeping* plummeting'. A Freudian slip if there ever was one.

Facepalm? More like hit-face-against-wall moments.

Moral of the story? Foot-in-mouth disease is REAL, my friends, and I'm a chronic sufferer. And possibly, always double-check your attachments and stay far, far away from any attempts at humor in corporate emails; unless, of course, you plan on signing your self-dignity away titled "Your Name humiliation level: - Over 9000". So, yeah, there's that. Good day!