My Uncle, the Superstition King"

Okay, so I guess we’re doing this. I’ve got a tale to tell, and it’s about as weird as it gets. You know how everyone has that one person in their family who’s just a little...off? For me, that’s my Uncle Kenny, a man whose superstitious beliefs make him the living embodiment of every bizarre old wives' tale you've ever heard.

Uncle Kenny’s house is like a museum of superstitious artifacts. He’s got a horseshoe over his front door, a dream catcher in every window, and God only knows how many rabbit’s feet stashed in weird places (seriously, there are some in the fridge). That's not to mention the entire room dedicated to his collection of four-leaf clovers. It's like living in a constant episode of "The Twilight Zone."

But the weirdest thing isn't his strange collection. It's the lengths Uncle Kenny would go to avoid bad luck. One time, I kid you not, he made us walk half a mile around the block because a black cat was lounging on the sidewalk and he didn't want to cross its path. We were carrying groceries, and it was freaking raining! But nope, nothing gets between Uncle Kenny and his superstitions.

Now, I've seen some in the family roll their eyes at his antics, but I'm not gonna lie, there's been a couple of times his weird beliefs kinda saved his *ss. Like the time he backed out of a real estate deal because the property was number 13. Turned out, the place was a money pit riddled with serious structural issues. The poor guy who bought it ended up bankrupt. Coincidence? Maybe, but it really freaked me out.

Then, there's the thing with the ladders. Uncle Kenny would sooner cut off his own arm than walk under a ladder. Pain in the *ss when you're helping him in his garage, but it saved him some serious medical bills once. He was fixing his roof when the ladder he'd been using collapsed. If he'd been under it...Yeah, doesn't bear thinking about.

So yeah, Uncle Kenny is a bit of a nut case, but I've learned to appreciate some of his weirdness. Although I still refuse to take detours because of neighborhood cats, and no way am I putting rabbit feet in my fridge.

Anyway, that's my tale. Go ahead, laugh, scoff, or whatever. But next time you're about to break a mirror or open an umbrella indoors, you might just think of Uncle Kenny and think twice.

" " "