My Mom, the Witch and my Head Uncle"

I was about nine years old when I first discovered my family's bizarre secret. The whole thing is still clear in my head like it was just yesterday - it’s that messed up. Okay, let me cut to the chase.

My mom had this weird habit of disappearing into the basement every night, after we finished dinner. I never really gave it much thought, because, well, she’s a grown-up, and grown-ups, they do weird stuff.

One night, though, curiosity got the better of me and I decided to follow her. Now, our basement is super creepy, like every horror movie basement ever, piles of old stuff everywhere, and a single, flickering overhead light. As I half stumbled, half crawled through the darkness, I found my mom standing in front of an old wooden box that I’d never seen before. She was talking to it, murmuring weird stuff. Well, sh** just got real, right? My mom was either a witch or she’d lost her marbles.

As I crouched behind an old rocking chair, trying not to breathe too loudly, the weirdest thing happened. The lid of the box started to move and out popped a head. A real, live, human head. I’m not kidding. I nearly screamed, but I clamped a hand over my mouth.

My mom was talking to the head, asking it questions like “How was your day?” and “Do you want some tea?” and the head was responding. It was a freaking conversation with a decapitated head. I swear, I wish I was making this up.

I crept upstairs, my head spinning from what I’d just seen. Was I dreaming? Was my mom a secret witch, and was that her familiar? Was our house haunted?

The next day, I couldn’t keep it in any longer. I blurted out to my dad about Mom’s crazy nighttime activities. My dad, he just laughed and said, “Well, it’s time you know the truth.”

Turns out, the head was my great uncle Theo. He’d been involved in a freak accident that left him only a head, but with the help of some advanced science stuff, he’d been kept alive. My mom was taking care of him, talking to him, feeding him through a special tube. That, my friends, was our family secret. And you thought your family was messed up.

Funny thing is, after the initial shock, I kinda got used to Uncle Theo. We’d chat about stuff, and he gave some solid advice. No one else at school had a talking head for an uncle. I’ve got a story for every family gathering, that’s for sure.

" " "